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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Replacement

After you left, I took out part of my heart -
The part where you used to fit in so completely,
(You had to fit - you see, I built the rest around you.)
I dissected it into bits and pieces -
Creating a jigsaw puzzle for me to play with.

Each day since then, I set out with one part in hand,
Trying to find things to replace that piece in the puzzle.

It will be quite a collage by the time I give up,
And I know the pieces for which there is no substitute.

Some parts of you will still remain in the puzzle,
Glittering bits of a whole that once was a heart.

Are you doing the same somewhere near or far?
If so, I hope you find substitutes hard to come by. Read More......

Thursday, January 15, 2009

A stolen moment

After the long walk, I finally turned into our silent street. 7:25 PM by my mobile. All the neighbors would be glued to the TV watching one of those never-ending serials. As usual the puppies came running when they saw me. I had to smile as they rushed around my ankles barking in their childish tones. There is something unbearably lovely about the way those pups welcome me back home everyday. The brown one is my favorite. She is the sweetest little thing with a white stripe right down her forehead and white feet. She has this cute way of cocking her head to one side when I say something, as if she understood every word – definitely the most patient and the gentlest of the three.


Mum was watching some serial…I smiled to myself. She never missed it. I made my usual comments on how goody-goody the protagonist was and mum replied with her usual – ‘I don’t say anything about the things you watch’. The usual routine, you know. I rummaged around in the fridge searching for something for the pups’ supper. Finally found some old bread. I was opening the door when mum called out – “You really are coddling that brown puppy a lot you know.”, she said. “Aww…come on mum – she is such a sweet little thing”, I protested.

Mum nodded- “I know…But you have to stop feeding her out of your hand. I put down some food today morning and the other two ate it all up. She had no idea what to do. Kept following me around yelping all the time”. “She is so little mum! She likes to sit with me and play around while eating.” I argued. “She is as old as the others are. What you are doing is not helping her in any way”, Mum insisted.

I sighed. “Mum’s right.” - I told myself firmly. I stepped out and the pups ran around in delight. “No petting. No. No. No.” - I repeated.

I just dropped the pieces of bread on the cement floor. The other two pups immediately grabbed a piece and ate. But the brown pup just stood there sniffing at the bread and looked up at me. Was I imagining things? She lifted up one paw and touched the bread piece and stood there looking at me mutely. I didn’t move. After about a minute or two, she picked up the bread and began eating.

Yesterday I had played tug of war with her with another slice of bread. She had eaten out of my hand and licked up the crumbs making me laugh.

I shut the door and went back in. “Well…did they ALL eat?” Mum asked meaningfully. I nodded.

That reproachful look clung to my mind. An hour later I couldn’t stand it. Mum was in the kitchen. I went out silently and opened the gate again. She was lying down on the door step with her head between her front paws looking straight at me. I knelt down near her. “I’m sorry sweetie.” I whispered,” But you must learn to eat on your own.”

She cocked her head and listened. I looked up at the silent road. The other two pups were rolling around playfully on the grass a little way off. I felt her warm wet nose on my fingers and ran my hands on the soft fur of her head and neck. We sat there in the cool dark night, till I heard mum calling out for dad and me to come to dinner.

As I stood up to go, she licked my hand once and then ran over to join her siblings in a game.

“I know mum”, I thought as I watched them play, “She’ll eat her meals like the others from now on. But a few moments alone - with just her and me – she needs that and so do I.”


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Brownie died while still a pup - we don't know why - we just found her cold one day. I'll always remember her. Our street dogs are the closest to pets that I've had (Goldfish don't count!) This is again a post from the past - about two years back.

Read More......

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Love

Sadly enough,

 

Love isn’t judged by how much of yourself you gave,

Instead they check how much, what you gave, filled.
Fall short of the mark and turn worthless in one shot,

No matter what was drained out of you in the process.

 

Read More......

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Simple Wishes - 1 to 5

Infyblogs is a very special place for me. That is where I started blogging. Till now, my blogspot account remains a sampling of the posts in Infyblogs. In a few months time, I will bid Infy goodbye and I've planned to make my blogspot account complete with all my posts.

The most interesting times on Infyblogs was when a friend and I wrote a series that we called 'The Simple Wishes'. It was a much simpler time. I was at a mushy-mushy stage in my life and my writing showed that. I wrote 25 wishes. My friend wrote 25 more. We would post one wish each day on alternate days.

The first five of the wishes. From two years ago.

Let me ask of a friend just once
A question worded only in silence,
Let the answer be a simple smile
Let that be all that we both need…

Let me wander in a crowd,
Holding on to another hand,
With no care at all, except to hold,
Child-like, letting the other lead me on.

Let me once catch unawares,
A loving look trained on me.
A soul so lost in complete joy,
At the thought that there is me.

Let us all peep into my niece’s cradle,
Let us find her wide awake and smiling.
Let me then be the envy of the group,
When she holds out her arms only to me.

Let me find my favorite book in a second hand store,
The margins filled in by the one who owned it before,
While I read his thoughts, let me be filled with delight,
That a total stranger’s feelings match mine so right! Read More......

Sunday, January 11, 2009

How difficult is it to say 'I don't know'?

I'm reading 'Doctor in the house' by Richard Gordon. Funny stuff :) It is an account of the student life at a medical school.

I couldn't stop laughing on the bus when I read about the first time that the medical student examines a patient. He takes her pulse, examines her tongue, teeth, eyes, listens to her on the stethoscope and tries to make his escape when ....

'Aren't you going to examine my tummy?' asked the blonde with disappointment. 'All the doctors examine my tummy. It's my tummy what's wrong.'

'Tomorrow,' I said firmly. 'I have to go and operate'

How could I tell her in front of the nurse I had not yet learned as far as the tummy?

I laughed and laughed on the bus. The girl next to me tried to peek into the book to see if she could get the joke. Read More......

Friday, January 09, 2009

He sings to my soul...

I have always wanted to tell the people whose talents I admire - that I admire them. I sometimes think that they may need to hear it. To some who are in my reach, I say it. But, some are out of my reach. But, heard or not, melodies and praises must be sung. India is a land of music and there are many singers worth adulation. But, one name will always stand out for me.

Dear Sonu Nigam,

You have a beautiful voice. I fell in love with it when I was in school. People may dismiss it as just a schoolgirl crush on a star; but, it wasn't. It has been more than ten years now and I still remain completely bowled over by the way you sing. Do you know why I love your voice? It is just because I can sense the emotions spelt by the words brought alive in your voice. You don't just sing.

You have, of course been fortunate to find the best songs, the best music, the best co singers and the best musicians to walk along with you. But, I do single you out despite that - because weirdly, I don't have to understand what you are singing to like it. You have sung so many songs in unknown languages that I love and yet don't understand. It's just your voice and the music that takes me through those unknown words - I imagine that I understand since the same emotions, I have heard in a language I know too.

There have been songs for every emotion - joyful ditties that make me want to laugh, soulful numbers that leave me quietly reflective, pain filled lamentations that reawakens my own pain, angry storms that rage against the world, patriotic songs that united the nation against some unknown face - and so many more.

I am a fan and a critic. There are songs I love and there are songs I don't. But every time, I recognize your voice at the first strains of any unheard song. I love the little ways in which you stretch the song, to leave your voice echoing in my heart after the song dies.

I have been to one concert by you - years and years back. You were really good and sang every kind of song. Except my song of hope. It is a little known number. No one would demand you sing it. But sometime, I wish that I attend another concert of yours where you sing that song. The feelings that come up when I listen to that song on my tape recorder, would pale in comparison to the joy of hearing it live. And I need feelings like those your voice awakens in me - to feel alive.

With admiration,
Me Read More......