Monday, August 31, 2009

Voice from an empty nest

One from the past again.

You are home after so long. I see you. Touch you. Listen to you. I’m just trying to assess the damage the world has inflicted. I want to know if you are ok. If you will be ok. My glance keeps coming back to your hands. They’ll tell me the truth. Despite your brave, kind lies.

Your hands, once so soft are now beginning to show changes. I notice the almost-healed cut on the thumb – what happened? You were cutting up vegetables for dinner? A splash of hot oil has left a burn mark on your wrist. You palms show the strain of having to pump water from the hand pump. The whiteness of the skin hidden by your watch strap is in sharp contrast to the rest of your hand. It speaks of hours of travel in the hot sun. The very lines on your palm seem to have changed directions. But, I also notice that your grasp, which used be that of a child holding on for guidance, is now changed. I feel the grasp of an adult and an equal. You are growing stronger. You stand tall and speak with confidence and conviction.

I’m still scared for you, of course. I can never be sure that you have all that you need. I will fret and worry. Never mind me. I’m just wondering if I did everything I should and could for you. There is no way of absolutely knowing that. I know that. And yet, I do wonder and hope. Read More......

Friday, August 28, 2009


Everything changes. Everything. That is it.

You are walking constantly and so are the others. For a while, you fall in pace with someone. And there is company - laughter and conversation. Then comes a ditch that you cross in a leap and the other chooses to circumvent. You are over the pit instantly and have to keep walking. You can’t wait. You have to keep going. You try walking in circles feeling a bit clever. But somehow, the land is moving too. Nothing ever falls in place in exactly the same way. You try and try and only go dizzy. You take a last look at the familiar face and stop trying.

Sooner or later, you learn that you cannot re create moments or feelings. A memory is just that. A memory. It is a past record. Not a promised future. You stop trying to hold on to what was and go on to create more memories. Such a lot of effort. But there really is no other way. The odd thing is, it isn’t a lesson that stays with you to prevent future mistakes. It happens over and over again. You don’t learn from this mistake. Read More......

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Big Read list - how many you have?

Picked this tag from this blog.

The Big Read
reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

* Look at the list and bold those you have read.
* Italicize those you intend to read.
* Mark in RED the books you LOVE.
* Reprint this list in your own blog.
* Having seen the movie/cartoon/TV series is not the same as having read the book.
* Reading abridged versions also does not count. :)

The List

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

I tag everyone reading this :) This is fun! Read More......

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Forget it...

No. I don’t talk about it. Why should I? The more I say the words, the more firmly they embed in my memory. It becomes a story that I narrate over and over again. With time, it will morph into something different from what it was. Unconsciously, of course. Tiny changes - a word here, a word there. I will even believe in every version of it. Soon it will turn into a reason; an excuse I will use with indignant righteousness.

No, better say nothing. Let it be even if I can't let go yet. I feel it now, but without sufficient attention, most things attenuate into nothingness.

I don’t have to forgive if I just forget. Read More......

Friday, August 21, 2009

Mostly ok

Pain isn’t all agony always. There aren’t any tears or even that choked up feeling in the throat.

Sometimes, it is just a deeper sigh than usual. Or a stolen second glance. Or a momentary loss of breath. Or a finger tracing a face in a picture. It is that refusal to look someone in the eye. That search for past feelings in familiar places and actions. An endless walk on aimless feet. It is like the warmth that a hug leaves behind. A phantom feeling.

If you look at it that way, it isn’t really much. Read More......

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

That Feeling

A poem from the past.

That Feeling

Don’t let it lie,
It won’t die on its own.

Don’t go to sleep, thinking,
It’ll be gone when you awaken.

It’ll stay alive and well, and,
Feeding on you, it’d have grown.

And, you can’t even kill it,
With a single bold stroke.

You see, ‘tis like the dam,
Holding back the flood.

Throwing the gates open,
Will only flood the valley.

Holding it all back,
Will only break the dam soon.

You need to open the gate a bit,
Let the water flow, little by little.

So, try it out this way,

Cut the wound a little,
Let the blood trickle,

Let the life seep out,
Feel its hold slacken,

It’ll take time,
But it will go away this way.

But, whatever you do,

Don’t let it lie,
It will not die on its own.

Read More......

Friday, August 07, 2009

The unwilling picture

Scraps of information,
Tossed away, unthinking;

Gathered by the one,
Who knows where to look.

Got enough to start with,
Patch them up on guesses;

Attention then turning,
To the next possible circle.

Scrounge around for tidbits,
Search in what is done with;

Put all the bits together,
See the semblance appear.

Step back a few and look,
At the unwilling picture. Read More......