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Monday, September 21, 2009

Dear Visitor

Walk down my gallery,
And see all you want to;

Don’t ask me to explain,
My motive or meaning.

My art, though is true,
Isn’t meant for 'em all.

Knowledge only burdens,
The unprepared mind.

So, stop struggling to see,
What is just out of sight.

The meaning is such,
That it heeds no effort. Read More......

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Daydreams...

I just finished a huge daydream spanning a few future years. It took me an hour to imagine it.

It was mainly about friendship. About dark, cold nights. Phone calls. Closure. Goodbyes and Hellos. Help. Clasped hands. A frantic chase. Hugs and tears. There was a letter too. And a confession. Cozy chats. Weak links. Sign language. Gatherings. And a face. Silence. Family and strangers. Happiness. Questions and answers. Cheerful voices. Apprehension. Many plans. All the right answers. Pleasant surprises. Perfection. Happiness.

Feelings have an odd way of spilling over from the imagination to reality. I don’t think they notice the difference. I don't think I do either. Read More......

Friday, September 18, 2009

Breaking Silent Nights...

I went to wash my face, tired of falling asleep over my notes. The tap was running and the lights felt harsh on the eyes. That was when it started. Someone was walking across the quadrangle outside, whistling. The notes were sharp and firm. He was excellent at it and I recognized the song ‘Teri adaaon pe marta hoon’ – from Barsaat. I remember watching Bobby Deol and Twinkle Khanna dance in that song - I think it was their debut film. Now, I just stood there smiling to myself and hummed along. Somehow I didn’t feel like finding out who it was. It felt like a moment to be enjoyed, uninterrupted by any questions. The night was silent except for him. He stopped after awhile. Somehow, sleep had vanished.

Some moments always tend to trigger memories. The last trip comes to mind - it was a CD straight out of college days. One after another all those old songs that we loved came up. We sang along, of course. Odd how I can perfectly recall every line of an old BSB song that I haven’t heard in years. The highlight was during the last length of return trip when the roads were emptying, and we felt particularly good after dinner. ‘So gaya ye jahaan’ from Tezaab came up – talk about timing! A smooth road, after the rains, cool breeze, open windows, a city going to sleep and we sang along. Twice. A perfect ending to a perfect trip.

I could go on and on as many of my fondest memories include music. I guess I have a thing for music and the night and silence and free voices – voices not trying to sound good, but just singing. Songs broken by giggles and abrupt changes in pitch. Songs we sing with a smile on our face, not caring how we sound and who hears us. Songs that just happen. Read More......

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It.

Just one more time. What difference does it make? It isn’t really wrong, you know? I’m not breaking the law for god's sake! I am not addicted! I can stop anytime. I’m not out of control. I like this. I am choosing this. How can I be out of control when I am making a rational choice? Why are you being so dramatic about this? It doesn’t hurt anyone. It really doesn’t hurt me. It’s just fun and it feels good. It isn’t my imagination! You have no idea what you are talking about. I am stronger than the others. They can’t deal with it – I can. What do you know anyway? I am not going to end up like them. This is just for now – only for now. When better things happen, I will stop of course. How will better things happen? Things happen, don’t they? I’m just waiting here. What else can I do? The others? I don’t want to see the others. They are perfect, I am not. There, happy? That is what you wanted me to say, isn't it? Why can’t you see? I need this. I want this. This thing – this one thing. Think? About what? Why? Don't you understand? I don’t want to think. Thinking is hard - thoughts keep crowding in my head. I want a blank mind. I can't sleep with all that screaming in my head. This? It kills the voices. It brings that blessed silence.

It’s OK. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Really.


PS: It's FICTION, people. Please don't get worried! Read More......